Today I had to have a talk with my son that I never wanted to have and was in no possible way ready to have; as I’m sure a lot of other parents in this nation are feeling right now. It was about the school shooting that happend on Wednesday in Flordia.
He was telling me that he didn’t have school on Monday because it was President’s Day:
A: Does President’s Day mean that Trump won’t be our president anymore?
M: No, he will be our president for the next 3 years. Why do you ask?
A: I want Hillary Clinton to be our President because she said she would take guns away from the bad guys.
M: Well, buddy she said she would try, but why are you worried about bad guys and guns?
A: Because a bad guy took a gun into a high school in Florida and shot a bunch of kids. 17 kids died.
M: Yes that did happen, where did you hear about it?
A: Everyone at school was talking about it and on the bus. A bad guy isn’t going to take a gun into my school and shoot me, is he? I don’t want to get shot.
This was the conversation that I had to have with my 9 year old today. He is legitimately worried that someone will take a gun into his school and shoot him. What the fuck am I supposed to tell him? He is looking to me to find answers that will help ease the worry in his heart and I feel as though I am failing miserably. I asked if the school has talked to them about what to do if someone brings a gun to school and he said no.
I am filled with such anger and dread. School is supposed to be a safe place. I can’t lie to him in an effort to protect his innocence and tell him that it will never happen here and that he shouldn’t worry about it.
He will worry regardless and I don’t know for sure that it won’t happen in the small town that I was also raised in. So I was as honest as I could be and it killed me on the inside. I told him that horrible and tragic things happen in this world sometimes. What happened in Flordia was one of those horrible and tragic things. A bad man took a gun into a school and hurt a lot of innocent people. I told him that his dad and I would sit him down tonight and come up with a plan together for what he needs to do in case someone does bring a gun into his elementary school. I told him that in the face of these horrible things, the most important thing of all, is to know that he is loved beyond measure. That his father and I want him to grow up to be a brave and kind human. To stand up for the important things in life that he believes in and to stand up for the people who could not stand up for themselves. We wanted him to be a light in an often very dark world.
What happended in Florida was tragic and my deepest sympathies are with those whose families and friends were affected. I, personally, was not going to write a post about this shooting to begin with. I felt as though everything that could be said about this already has, that is until it became a very personal subject to me when faced with explaining to my child what to do in the event of a school shooting.
My feelings on the subject of guns is varied. While I am a self proclaimed liberal hippie, I do not want to see “all guns taken away and the reversal of the 2nd Amendment” as is the popular narritive thrown onto people who make such a claim. I was raised with guns. My family is one full of hunters and concealed carry permit holders. I full heartedly believe in the 2nd admendment and the rights of the constitution as well as the rights of responsible gun owners. I also believe that there should be more extensive background and mental health checks to those who own a gun. If you need a license to drive a car, you should need a license to own a firearm. I believe if you have children in the home you should keep guns under lock and key, with ammuntaion kept separate. I also believe that no one needs a semi automatic rifle. But in the end, these opinions and beliefs of a stay at home mom in Idaho do little in the way of affecting real change when it comes to gun control and the laws that binds them.
Politics aside, a change needs to happen. What kind of society do we live in where this threat is not only realistic but also happens way too often? Taking all the guns away isn’t the answer but neither is doing absolutely fucking nothing about a real epidemic. Giving thoughts and prayers to those involved has gotten hollow and stale. Kids should not be dying. If I were to lose one of my kids in that way, it would break me as a human. I have withstood and survived a bunch of other horrible shit but I could not survive that. We should have come up with a plan after Sandy Hook, and that was 5 years ago and we as a nation are in the exact same spot as we were then. Now we are teaching kids how to hide, or how to cause chaos to distract the shooter in the effort to save more lives. There needs to come a time when enough is enough. When parents don’t have panic attacks any time the school calls. When as a parent, you kiss them goodbye in morning and pray to God that they come home at night. When the thought of homeschooling has become a real train of thought in terms of safety. Children should not be dying. Teachers should not be laying down their lives. Our education system should not come equipped with a funeral parlor pamphlet.
In the end, I will do my best to make sure my son knows how much he is loved. I will come up with a plan to help him navigate the terror that seems to be commonplace now. And while I am not a religious person, I will pray that he comes home safely every night. I will be praying for the government to pull their heads out of the sand and make sure a real change does happen.
Mom Outside of the Box 