This afternoon, my oldest son came into the kitchen holding a painting that he spent a good chunk of time on. He was upset because his younger brother told him that he hated it. Blake has been in a particularly foul mood the last few days. He had wanted Blake to apologize and wanted his brother to come to a different opinion using the reasoning that Aiden had worked really hard on his project. I brought the boys into the kitchen and decided that now was the best time as any for a Mom lecture. 🙂

I told Aiden that while he did work hard on his painting and that he did try his best, it was ok if someone still didn’t like it. All that mattered was if HE liked the work he did. If he was proud of his accomplishment and he tried the best that he could, it didn’t matter what anyone else thought of it. Throughout his life he will come across all walks of people. People that he may not mesh with on a personality level or that simply didn’t like him for no other reason than they just didn’t. I told him that was ok. It was ok to not be liked. What would not be ok was if he changed who he was or what made him proud in the effort to be liked. Everyone has a difference of opinion, if he went around desperately trying to get everyone to like him, he would not be able to get anything done.

As for Blake, he insisted that he was only joking when he told Aiden that he hated his painting. We sat down and talked about how jokes are supposed to make people happy and laugh. If we spend the whole time trying to hurt someone’s feelings, it would no longer be a joke, it would just be mean. I told him it was ok to not like something, and that I didn’t want him to lie in an effort to *gasp* get someone to like him.( See what I did there? I went full circle! Way to go Mom.) But that there is a nice way to say you might not like something, and a dick way to say to it. I told him the next time someone showed him something that they were really proud of, instead of telling them that he hates it he could tell praise them on their hard work. “Hey, it looks like you worked really hard on that. Way to go!”

Who knows if these little Mom lectures will stick. If I’m lucky these memories may pop up from their subconscious just in the nick of time in the effort to get them out of a sticky situation. While I am trying to raise thoughtful and respectful humans, I also want to raise fearless and self confident warriors. Life’s ultimate balancing act. In the end only time will tell.

Left: Aiden and Blake 2014.
Right: Aiden and Caylee 2018.

My kids may fight like no other, but they also have a bond like no other. ❤ In both of these pictures, Aiden was in time out and his siblings stood next to him in solidarity. For no reason other than they didn’t want him to be alone. In both of these pictures Blake and Caylee are 1. These are both serendipitous happenings. There are days when my mom guilt becomes overwhelming and I am convinced that I will fail at this whole motherhood thing. On those days, I look at these pictures and realize that while I may not think I am doing things right, I did do one thing perfectly right. ❤ All I can hope for is that this bond can last through what life may throw at them. Everything else is just a bonus. #luckytocallthemmine #motherhood #siblings #thatbondtho

It is the first day of Christmas break. The time 10 am.
These are actual things I have said to my children this morning:

“Blake, Keep your butt off of people.”

“We don’t bite people. Use your words.”

” If you try to yank something away from him, he WILL bite you. You deserved it. Don’t yank stuff away from people.”

” I swear to God, I will throw away all of the cool shit I bought you if you keep fighting.”

“Don’t slap your brother.”

“Don’t punch your brother.”

“Stop jumping OVER your baby sister. This isn’t pole vault.”

“I know you’re lying becuase I can literally smell you in the next room.”

“Keep your hands and bodies off of each other.”

My favorite. ” No. It is 6:30 in the morning. You can’t play video games and eat cookies.”

2 weeks. 😳 Wish this momma and her wild offspring luck. Send coffee. 😂

A few weeks ago I received a call from my son’s school. The teacher on the other end seemed nervous when I answered.

“Hello, Mrs. Miller we had an incident at school today.”

“What happened? Is Blake ok?”

“Oh, Blake is fine. But I needed to let you know that he was naked at school today.”

She then went on to explain that my son had a meltdown in class, something that happens fairly frequently. These usually occur when a change to his routine happens unannounced. They took him down to the Special Education room to calm down, in accordance with his IEP. In his frustration he took off his shirt. ( Side note: Clothes bother Blake as it is and when he has a meltdown something called emotional dysregulation can happen. That is an inappropriate emotional response to a stressor.) The teacher then told Blake that removing his shirt was inappropriate. He looked her straight in the eye and proceeded to strip down to his birthday suit, put his hands on his hips and say, “No. This is inappropriate.”

I spent the next two minutes hysterically laughing and clapping my hands like a seal. Between gulping air and crying I managed to squeak out, ” Well. He’s not wrong.” I promised to speak with him when he got home and revisit the conversation about the importance of keeping our clothes on in public. When he got off the bus that day, I asked him about his decision to get naked at school. He told me that his teacher told him he was being inappropriate. He said that he just had his shirt off, it was making him angry, so he wanted to show her what the word inappropriate meant. He thought she didn’t know. I high fived him on his vocabulary but reiterated that in the future he should be clothed at school, even if it can be irritating. We shook on it with the compromise that he can strip down when he gets home.

This is one of the many things I adore about my youngest son. He is bright, funny and sarcastic. He is so full of love and burning curiosity. He has no problem standing up for himself or letting you know when you might be in the wrong. He may have a difficult time communicating it or getting his body to follow through with the directions given. But he knows it. The knowledge is there in, waiting. While I may worry about a multitude of things as a mother, and I have no idea what the future may hold for my little hummingbird, I’m not as worried about Blake as I once was. My baby will be just fine. Just give him time. And the correct vocabulary.

Tis the Season

For the last decade, I have spent every Christmas the same way. A walking giant ball of stress completely intent on making every moment of this season something magical and momentous for my little offspring. Inevitably this has always ended in a Clark Griswold worthy meltdown in the attempt to reach the impossible standards that I have put on myself. In an effort to be honest, social media and Pinterest did little in the way to douse my intentions. My Facebook and Instagram feeds are filled with little chubby smiles, bright eyes lit up by twinkly lights. Babies making snow angels and families sipping hot cocoa by the fire. Pinterest feeds filled with “Super Easy DIY Gifts and Crafts” and homemade gingerbread house recipes. All of these seem like completely doable things until I tried to put them into practice.

Have you ever tried to make a gingerbread house with a child or Lord forbid more than one kid? It is a god damn nightmare. One kid chucked the roof and hit another kid in the eye with it. There was no silent and still contemplation for their latest creation and both my boys were way more intent on eating the frosting and decorations rather than actually building anything. Fast forward 2 impossibly long hours later, our ramshackle gingerbread house looks like meth lab exploded. Candy and frosting hanging off of every close surface. The roof is caved in due to the lack of frosting glue, bits of candy lay strewn here and there. I’m in the corner uncorking the wine and my little feral children bickering over who gets to chomp the head off of the marshmallow snowman that Mommy took 20 minutes to make. Let’s not get started on the ornament wreaths and homemade gifts. Long story short, I damn near ruined my kitchen and ended up with 2nd degree burns via a hot glue gun incident. Bring on the Amazon Prime, it is this momma’s godsend.

Here is what I have had to come to terms with when it comes to Instagram and Facebook during the holiday season: None of it is 100% God honest truth. Sure, there are gleams of reality tucked away here and there, but it is not all factual. This is someone’s highlight reel. That is all. Where are the prior 200 photos of someone looking away or the baby crying before you actually got an Insta worthy photo? That diamond in the rough. We all know you played Baby Shark on repeat and threatened the very life of your offspring in the attempt to look like the frolicking family in a meadow. If that is what works for you and you still have your sanity at the end of the day. More power to you girl, I am in awe. My photo sessions usually end with a Mommy Time Out in the tub with the bubble bath and an apology to my spouse for losing my ever loving mind.

There is no timeline, that is what I have to keep reminding myself. The handmade wreaths, sledding excursions, searching hours for the perfect present; all of these ideas are great in theory but completely unrealistic in for my family’s current schedule. So here is my Christmas resolution: My family won’t have a better Christmas if I check off all of my unrealistic expectations, but they will have one if I am present. If I take them time to put my phone down and really try to listen to them, even if I have heard it all before. Instead of focusing all of my energy on other people’s highlight reels and focus on making my own, and not feel pressure to share it in an effort to prove something. My family is healthy and most days they are happy. We have been blessed with more than we need and enough to give to others whom may not be as fortunate. That is the reason for the season. To show my beautiful babies the softer, kinder side of humanity that this season can bring out in people. So I will leave you with this: if going all out with the Christmas season brings you joy, do that. Cherish the love you have in your life at this moment. This season brings out the magic in everyone. Merry Christmas from my wild little tribe to yours.